To my beloved mademoiselle barbara,
How long has it been since ive heard word from you? Last time I wrote was easily a couple of months ago, though I reckon im not too sure. Given the awkward transitional period my family is going through, and the fact that a year of long distance has had quite the psychological effect on me, I guess its not surprising that this past year now seems like a dream. I know there was a period where I dissapeared, right about the time you told me you were going back to Europe. I hope you made it, and it is everything you were hoping it would be. I cant remember where exactly, but I beileve you told me you were going to the netherlands? Prague originally, but then things changed right? Things are always changing. At least that I have finally learned.
I got my nomination to go back and teach our beautiful language to little fwench kids. Ill be back in Lyno, where I was studying abroad earlier. It has been a long, drawn out process, and it escapes me how the french deem it acceptable to notify someone of a job a mere month before htey are supposed to purchase a plane ticket. I suppose Ill have to add that ot my to do list.
I would like very much to visit you, whereever you are. It has been a long time, and when we parted ways, I promised myself that wouldnt be the last time we saw eachother. I still have the picture oyu gifted to me. its in a frame, next to that lovely picture of us shooting absinth at whatever ridiculous hour in the morning. those were amazing times. thank god for the pictures, or else I might begin to doubt that those times ever really happened. I thought about selling the drawing on ebay for the easy millions it could make, but decided against it due to sentimental reasons. Or maybe im just waiting for it to go up in value even more? =P
Its funny. ever since I got back from France, ive never really had a “person”. For the longest time I always considered my highschool crush my best friend, and there was a time when considered me the same. since then, though, weve kind of gone our separate ways. Shes stills tuck on picking up bad guy after bad gyu after bad guy, while Ive kind of moved past that phase in my life. I managed to make things work with my girlfriend throughout the year, although, I wonder, to what end? Im actually in Nicaragua at the moment, staying with her family and studying spanish. Were going to be back in France next year, well, in a bout a month, but after that, nothing is certain. School is really hard for her, considering hes doing it in her third language, and the french system is designed to fail about sixty percent of the students. Not that bad of a thing when youre living with yoru family in France paying 200 euros a year. A very bad thign when your family comes from a third world country and is paying for an appt year round. I fear, if things take a turn for the worse, we may have to marry sooner than what would be natural, just to be able to stay together. I dont fear marriage, especially not with her. But I do fear getting married for a utility purpose. Im afraid what that woudl mean for the future. And im afraid of being wrong.
This past year has been so weird for me. Despite my best efforts, I do believe I became somewhat of a hermit. I lived by mself in a two bedroom appt. I didnt eat very much. I drank and smoked quite a bit. I fell out of touch with all my friends save for a select few. My grades were better than they had ever been before, and i finished school with high honors. Yet, not happily. Sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake to do the long distance with her. Of course, the next moment I spend with her, that doubt is completely dismissed. I think its just that my life has been up in the air, completely without any sort of foundation or roots, for much too long. This past year of my life hung on a dream, the deam that the two of us would be able to get through the year and reunite in France. We made it that far, and i think that is inherently worth something in itself. But what cost is too costly, if I am forced to decide again. One of our options, if France didnt work out, was to stay long distance for 1-4 years. 4 years…thats nearly 1/5 of my total age. I dont think I could do that; I think I would try…and every time I get to that point of hinking im afraid to go further. I think I need to find someone to talk to again. Maybe, subcosnciously, Im hoping that person was you. Who knows, life is crazy, and Im a rambling fool right now.
I reckon youre much too busy for the kid who fell for the professor-to-be once upon a time. You know, having more of your own adventures, where they take you. If you do find the time to drop me a line though, I would really appreciate it. I really am sorry for dissapearing like I did. Not that its any excuse, but trust me when I tell you that youre not the only one ive let down this year. I hope your days are passing fabulously, and life is providing everything youve ever wanted from it. Until we meet again.
Votre chérie,
Jean-Pierre
